The
erudite scholar is as vulnerable as anybody
else, if not more, to common human failings
such as greed, envy, manipulation, pretension,
anger and fear. Erudition has done little to
bring liberation from these failings. The suffering
and humiliation that a brilliant scientist or
intellectual or artist undergoes when, year
after year, he finds himself overlooked for
a prestigious award, can be very severe. Furthermore,
it is like adding insult to injury when a “less
deserving” colleague wins the award; the
pain can become unbearable.
How ironical it is that extreme brilliance can
coexist with extreme stupidity in the same individual!
How ironical it is that with growing age, education
and experience, one may gain tremendous knowledge
and yet remain tremendously unwise!
The
underlying deep-seated fear in one relates to
the very essence of one’s being. One is
afraid of being reduced to a “nobody”.
One craves unconsciously a sense of importance,
an acknowledgement of one’s worth by others.
When such acknowledgement is not forthcoming,
one ventures to create the grounds for it. Could
this be the reason why many old people love
to narrate to us, often with endless repetition,
their so-called accomplishments? They become
legends in their own minds.
Why are we in such dire need of a continual
reassurance of our own worth? Why can’t
we just be? Why are we ashamed sometimes to
be simply ourselves, which means dropping all
pretences and image building exercises? Why
are we so afraid of the natural process of aging:
the wrinkles in the skin and the greying and
falling off of hair?
We
do not dare confront such questions, because
we are afraid of the possible answers.
