About Me
There are two ‘I’s, just as there are two ‘you’s, dear reader!
One is this apparent 'I', wrapped in a name, a form, and a personal story, moving through time and interacting with the apparent 'you' in this mysterious drama of life. A few fragments of my outer journey are shared through the links on this site. I have played various roles: a structural engineer, a professor, a consultant, and an author. Now, after retirement, I enjoy ‘sitting quietly, doing nothing’. I continue to write books (on finding fulfilment in life) and teach as a guest faculty at IIT Madras. I live in Chennai with my wife, Roshni, who teaches History at the school, Sishya.
But beyond this fleeting story abides the true I, which is also the true You: formless, timeless, transcendent, and indescribable.
The two 'I's (or two 'you's) are symbolically depicted as two birds perched on the Tree of Life, as illustrated on the cover of my recent book. The lower bird - the apparent self - remains constantly occupied with worldly concerns and desires, eagerly consuming berries (some sweet, some bitter), and flying around restlessly. The higher bird - the True Self - watches the frantic activity of the lower bird, remaining still and serenely poised. Tired and frustrated, the lower bird may eventually notice the timeless presence of the higher bird and learn to live guided by its transcendent light, without 'doer-ship'. This is akin to the realisation that 'the kingdom of heaven is within you!'…
Many spiritual paths begin by refining the ego-self: making it kinder, more responsible, more devoted, and more disciplined - more 'sattvika'. This is important and noble, and is fundamental to all religions, but it often deepens the illusion that there is a real "I" that needs to be perfected or saved. The deeper truth is that the sense of a separate self is itself the root of suffering, and there is no escape from suffering for the imagined agent who takes itself to be real.
For most people, this is very hard to see because the ego-self comfortably wears the costume of "devotee," "meditator," or "good person." Whether in theistic or non-theistic traditions, the ego-self fashionably dresses itself as spiritual, moral, and sincere, yet it is the 'sattvika ahankara' - often steeped in a sense of self-righteous superiority - that remains the subtle barrier that binds the seeker to suffering and primal ignorance. Only when a deep shock - inner or outer, subtle or sudden - strips away that costume does the mind honestly meet the question, “Who am I, really?” Such a rude shock can come suddenly from a direct encounter with a teacher or teaching whose words reveal the delusion in the habitual identification with the ego-self.
At that point, the spiritual path stops being a project of the ego-self and begins to unfold on its own: the way ahead is not something the "I" builds, but something into which the ego‑self surrenders or dissolves. With sustained and clear awareness, the natural flow of life becomes self‑evident, and compassion begins to flow spontaneously. Whatever needs to be done by the body‑mind complex gets done skilfully, but without any false sense of doer-ship or ownership.